


the life from the printed page

by chashmish (orphan_account)



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fans & Fandom, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 10:21:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15532149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/chashmish
Summary: It wasn’t as if his Red was a carbon-copy of Ren, of course. Goro had his long-standing headcanons, and those were sacred and untouchable and typed up neatly in an Excel spreadsheet saved on his desktop, and his visions of Red and of Ren didn’t always correspond exactly. But there were similarities that anyone familiar with both man and character would be able to pick up on, if they were to read his work.(Fic of a fic, for "this account's tweets are protected".)





	the life from the printed page

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [this account's tweets are protected](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14590842) by [alsahm](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alsahm/pseuds/alsahm), [benetnash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/benetnash/pseuds/benetnash). 



> gonna orphan this, because i really only put it here so it can be listed under derived works, but with my pseud on, because i still want everyone to know i love and support "this account's tweets are protected", which you should go read if you haven't because A. you won't regret it and B. reading this fic isn't going to make sense without having read it first, please go do that, why are you even here
> 
> thanks so much to leed and asa for writing such a clever, feel-good and exciting story for this ship <3
> 
> title's from that one of montreal song yeah you know

When Ren returned from the bathroom in Leblanc and saw that Goro had put away his notebook and taken out his laptop while seated in his booth of choice, he cast one glance at Goro’s fingers flying across the keyboard and asked "Work, school, or fic?"  
  
It was the standard question, but no matter the answer Ren would always follow it up with "Can you read it to me?", said with a certain contained amount of anticipation, because, well, Ren did have that  _thing_  for Goro's voice.   
  
And usually Goro would indulge him, because he very much liked being the center of Ren's attention and because if he was partaking in his hobby it was such a joy to see Ren sit there and fidget slightly, face turning red as Goro enunciated the parts of his stories most people wouldn’t dare read aloud with relish and precision. It was so adorable.  _Ren_  was so adorable.  
  
This time, though... Goro’s fingers stalled. He felt a certain need to be evasive. “It's fanfiction," Goro replied.   
  
"Is it RedBlack?” Ren asked immediately, as always. “Is it RedBlack? Is it Red–”

"You'll see," Goro said.   
  
Ren pouted, which was dangerous because of how convincing it was; Goro was particularly weak to that tilt of his head and that twist of his lips. "You won't read it to me?"   
  
Goro held fast. “I’m afraid my rough draft is looking particularly rough right now. You’ll just have to peruse it when it’s up online like everyone else.” He winked.

Ren sighed. “Okay. But please remember I’m your biggest fan, Lord Sir Majesty Murderless Crow, and I always leave you kudos from all the web browsers at my disposal. Including Ryuji's PS4. Including Haru's fridge."  
  
"Haru's– what?"  
  
"She has one of those Internet fridges,” Ren explained.  
  
"One of those  _what_?” Goro hated rich people, as was well-documented. “Do you make a habit of reading fanfiction from a fridge?"  
  
"No, I read on the PS4 and I livetweet on the fridge," Ren said. He leaned down and placed a hand on Goro's shoulder before pressing his lips to his cheek. "Just kidding, babe, you know I always look over your lovely words from my computer. But anyway, now I have to go clock in for my night shift. I’ll see you tomorrow. You can close up, right?”

“Of course,” Goro said.

“All right. Bye-bye, beautiful,” Ren said with a winning smile, and turned to go.

“Wait,” Goro said suddenly, and took hold of  his arm.

Ren turned, and Goro pulled him closer and took his face in his hands and gave him a proper kiss, because he loved Ren's stupid pretty pouty mouth, with tongue, because he was sleeping alone tonight against his will and he wanted Ren to suffer just as much while he was at work.

Ren’s eyes were alight and his cheeks flushed when they pulled away, and Goro gave silent thanks to every deity he knew for the sight. “If anyone came in here Sojiro would have our asses.”

“Yes, and the risk enhances the experience, wouldn’t you say?” said Goro. “Go.”

Ren smiled at him one final time. “Love you,” he said. Then, with a wave and a flourish he was out the door.

After another moment of sitting and soaking up the silence in the café, Goro sighed, packed up his things and rose to leave as well.

Later, he was sitting at the kitchen table in his apartment in Bunkyo with the document open again. Carefully chewing an apple slice **,**  he sat back and considered the words on his computer.

He’d kept what he was writing from Ren because, truth be told...  
  
Truth be told, it was indeed RedBlack. His first ship in the fandom. An old mainstay and an admitted favorite, but… lately he’d felt unable to capture the essence of the dynamic between the characters. Black’s return in the new Featherman series had made that ship’s popularity soar lately; the archive was producing more and more stories every day. But Goro was stuck.

He had been stuck, until…

A week earlier, he’d been with Ren at after class and they’d gone to get ice cream, where some bratty kid had promptly tried to steal a ¥1000 bill out of Ren’s hand. Ren and Goro had chased down the child, who was sullen and silent. But in the end, after coaxing his parents’ information out of him, Ren had actually bought the kid an ice-cream cone.

Then he’d had to sit and wait patiently and wait for the cantankerous mother to come collect her child. Ren had furiously tweeted the entire story to all his followers while Goro thought about how it all seemed quite significant, somehow. But he hadn’t been able to figure out why until the next night, when after a grueling bout of studying, he was taking a break to write and relieve stress and it struck him that something about what Ren had done was very Red-esque.

Somehow, things had clicked after that. He’d written a short scene based on Red doing something similar.

_Red is different in his inclinations, in the way he sees everything join and intersect. For Black there is only chaos and discord, under a feigned filigree layer of pretended deference– simply another falsehood. But for Red everything has the potential to be more. Even the young thief with the cruel look in his eyes receives consideration from Red that day, despite the scolding Red gives him, and the look of surprise on his face when Red cheerfully claps him on the back and presents him with his treat makes even Black smile._

Goro was quite pleased with actually being able to put down words again. Perhaps his RedBlack block was coming to an end. And the few hundred words he'd penned were just to get his brain working once more. That was it.

* * *

But... then it very rapidly became  _more than that._

Because Ren and Red really were similar. And the more Goro, ah, knew Ren intimately (thank God thank God thank God), well… Writing porn got a whole lot easier when one was suddenly having a lot more regular sex. (Again, thank God.)

And if Ren and Red really were comparable in every context…

When he had trouble figuring out what some of Red’s proclivities were he could simply ask Ren if he was into something, and Ren would reply “Oh,  _yes_ ,” or “Um,  _no_ ,” and Goro would find he had a better handle on  _Red’s_  likes and dislikes. Or Ren would say something more specific like “Oh, I tried that once with somebody, but it ended up being unsatisfying,” which Goro would listen to with a nod and smile (all while trying very hard not to think about  _somebody,_ who was a fucking imbecile for letting Ren go and hopefully wallowing miserably somewhere) and then, more often than not, incorporate into whatever he was working on at the moment, whether as backstory or extra content.

It wasn’t as if his Red was a carbon-copy of Ren, of course. Goro had his long-standing headcanons, and those were sacred and untouchable and typed up neatly in an Excel spreadsheet saved on his desktop, and his visions of Red and of Ren didn’t always correspond exactly. But there were similarities that anyone familiar with both man and character would be able to pick up on, if they were to read his work.

So he was stealing his boyfriend’s traits to project onto his fictional crush. Which was understandable, wasn’t it? But why did it make him feel–

...Somehow dirty, and wrong, and ashamed?

Goro snapped his laptop shut and frowned to himself. He was thinking too much again, and it was getting late. A shower and a full night’s sleep would doubtlessly do him a world of good.

* * *

A lot of the ideas Goro was having lately were either very difficult or nearly impossible to fit into the context of canon. He didn’t like writing fic set in alternate universes, really, not when the challenge of working within canon provided so much mental stimulation. And Goro had perfected the art of writing superpowers as kinks, for the other kind of stimulation. It was one of the things he was best known for in fandom, actually. One simply couldn’t replicate that with AUs. Canon divergence was as far as Goro was willing to go, usually.

But as of late he was contemplating scenarios that were far more lighthearted than what he was used to, and what he was known for as Murderless Crow. He had spent most of his fandom career thinking of Red and Black as fated enemies, bonded through enmity and attraction and a sorrowful spark that burned far too late to start a fire before the bitter end, always tragic, always tumultuous, and now he was thinking of them–

“Look at that tent over there,” said Ren.

–he was thinking of them going to an amusement park.  

“It’s nice,” Goro said. He was standing with Ren near the entrance during a balmy afternoon, after they’d just paid their fare. Goro gave some of the attractions a wary glance. Would Black like roller coasters?

“That’s where Blue’s series 4 voice actor held a meet-and-greet when I was in high school,” Ren said dreamily. “I still have the DVD he signed.”

No, Black would find those death traps too risky. As well he should. Red would understand, and buy them some cotton candy. Goro felt the solid warmth of Ren’s shoulder pressed against his and thought  _I love you I love you I love you._ Goro said, “Nerd.”

“Oh, shut up,” Ren said, and slipped his hand into Goro’s own.

Goro wrote a little more of the AU that night, in Ren’s apartment after Goro had heard his breathing even into the rhythm of sleep and Ryuji had stopped shouting through his headset.

_It’s almost easy when Black sees Red’s confidence, his genuinity, despite the unfamiliarity of their surroundings. Red makes amiable conversation with the ticket-seller, laughing as he sweeps his hair back, and Black sees him finger the keychain Black bought him as he does so, watches the quick movements of his hands and listens for the smile in his voice._

_With this kind of togetherness, perhaps Black can relax. It’s nice to_

Goro deleted the last part and tried again.

_Despite everything, even Black can relax. It feels almost nice to_

No.  

There was something so wrong about this. Writing had barely taken him effort at all, previously. And now it all felt uncertain.

What was happening?

He didn’t like having to keep this all to himself; he felt as if he would burst. Strange. It had been easier to repress everything before. But not now. Now he had friends.

Somehow.

And there was someone uniquely suited to offer perspective regarding this. He texted Niijima.

 _Goro:_ could i ask you something?

 _Makoto:_  If it’s about that case study we were assigned, I’ll have to beg you to spare me. I’ve spent the whole day fielding questions from our other classmates.

 _Goro:_ you’re studying?

 _Makoto:_ No, just having a late dinner.

 _Goro:_ i see. sorry about the others, they’re hopeless. but no, my question’s unrelated to school.

 _Makoto:_ Be my guest, then.

 _Goro:_ when you wrote fanfiction, did you often take inspiration from your own life?

 _Makoto:_ Of course.

Goro blinked in surprise.

 _Makoto:_  Don’t you? It’s pretty natural. People tend to write what they know. I’ve definitely used things that have happened to me for fic before. It makes my writing more realistic. And personal, oftentimes, which makes it nice to look over later.

Goro bit his lip before sending the next message.

 _Goro:_  what about your relationship with okumura? did you replicate your dynamic with her? for whivi, perhaps?

 _Makoto:_ I haven’t written in a while, and I’ve been dating Haru now for longer than I spent writing, so not really. Though when I was nursing a crush, I definitely used my own feelings as inspiration, especially for pre-relationship stories.

 _Makoto:_ But don’t allow me to deter you if that’s what you’ve been up to with your work. I understand you and Ren are doing that kindating thing.

 _Goro:_ for the last time, we are not kindating. i barely even know what that means

 _Makoto:_  Don’t you? Simply put, it is, again, what you and Ren are doing.

 _Goro:_ do you have any actual advice for me, or just continued mockery?

 _Makoto:_  Haha. Relax, I’m only poking fun. And I’m not sure what advice it is that you’re actually looking for, here.

 _Goro:_ fine. i think my writing is suffering because i’m projecting. what should i do?

 _Makoto:_  Hmm. That doesn’t sound right. Maybe you’re letting things get too personal.

 _Makoto:_  Writing is helpful when it's cathartic, but if there’s something you’re concerned about, make sure you talk to Ren instead of just putting words to paper. It's the responsible thing to do. 

 _Goro:_ i suppose you’re right. thanks

 _Makoto:_  Not a problem. I think I’ll head to bed now, if you’ll excuse me. Good luck with everything.

Goro put his phone down and chewed on his lip. Talking to Ren… that was an idea.

He would try it, then. He would confess the source of his recent inspiration, and if needed, he’d cease. Maybe then he’d stop feeling so badly.

* * *

“Episode 32 of series 3,” Ren said emphatically. “My favorite.”

It was the usual Friday night debate in Ren’s apartment over what to watch.   

Goro  _tsk_ -ed. “I still think we should rewatch 2 from the beginning. The themes in 3 are so overdone.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re an elitist, I know,” Ren said. “We’re watching episode 32.”

Goro sighed dramatically. “Fine,” he said, and smiled when he saw Ren perk up and reach for the DVD case.

But there was one thing he had to do. “Before we start,” Goro began, “I’d like to tell you something.”

Ren turned back to him and raised his eyebrows. “Oh? Go ahead.”

“It’s about the last story I’ve been writing, actually.”

“Oh,” Ren cut in. “Y’know, I’ve been thinking of writing something myself.”

Goro blinked in surprise. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Ren said, and beamed. “I have some good chatfic ideas.”

“Chatfic,” Goro repeated. He was trying to think of a supportive comment when Ren laughed.

“I’m just kidding. No one in their right mind would write chatfic,” Ren said, and Goro nodded his agreement. They looked at the camera like they were on The Office.

“Anyway,” Ren said, “what was it about your fic?”

Goro reached over to the table and opened his laptop to retrieve the document. When it was open, he held it out to Ren. “Read it, please.”

“Oh, okay.” Ren pulled the computer into his lap and assumed his terrible hunched-over reading posture that Goro had given up urging him to correct.

Goro looked away while Ren read, trying not to think about how his words were being scrutinized.

After some torturous minutes, Ren said, “Holy shit.”

Goro turned to him. Ren was beaming. “I can’t believe you wrote an AU. It’s so sweet! And this date they went on is just like when we–”

“Yes,” Goro cut in, and fidgeted. Ren seemed pleased– that was a good sign, right? But still, the awful feeling persisted. “Right.” His fingers clenched at the fabric of his pants. “I need to be honest with you. I’ve been writing RedBlack. But I’ve been at a loss regarding how to portray their relationship lately, so I’ve been… taking inspiration. From you.”

“Me?”

“Yes. And… our relationship, I suppose.” Why did all of this make Goro want to wince so badly, to fold in on himself? “As you can see, I’ve lifted a lot of things you do as things Red would do. I thought you should know, and I want to know what you think.”

“Oh, wow,” Ren said. “So you’re Black?”

He’d been kind of trying not to think about that. “It’s complicated.”

Ren smiled. “Goro, why do you look so serious?”

“You know this is important to me,” Goro said defensively.

“No, yes, of course,” Ren said immediately, scooting closer to him on the couch. “But hey, did you really think I would be  _mad_ or something? Come on. We have  _matching RedBlack icons._ I’ve, like, written dissertations on why theirs is the greatest love story in modern media. And I love your writing; of course I’d be happy to inspire it. Plus, they’re super hot and we’re super hot.” Ren closed his eyes. “I can’t believe I’m in the best relationship ever and it’s the inspiration for the other best relationship ever. Sometimes the gods are good.”

Goro smiled. “I didn’t think you’d be mad,” he admitted. “I simply–” He took a huff of breath. “I don’t know. I’ve never really felt like this. It’s just strange, because…” He closed his eyes. “Hold, on, please. I need to gather my thoughts.”

Goro felt Ren’s hand close over his, and thought hard, intense and introspective. And after a few moments, he came to understand a way to say what he realized he was feeling.

“I wrote,” Goro said softly, “for so long, as a coping method. To manifest my negative feelings into something solid. It was– messy, and it felt like– a cleansing. Writing has never been this way for me before, the way it’s been lately. Before, even when my work was lighthearted, it came from a dark place. And now... I’m using our relationship as the same kind of fuel, even though you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I– it feels  _wrong._ ” He took a breath and realized suddenly that just saying it had made him feel better. “It feels to me like it shouldn’t be this way.”

“Hey,” Ren said, after a pause. He took Goro’s hands in his again. “Know what I think? You associate writing with bad shit because for a long time you were going through  _really bad shit._ It makes perfect sense. And now, thank God, there’s less for you to deal with. So… yeah, maybe the way you write is changing. But I don’t think that means you’re doing something wrong, or that you’re not treating this relationship the right way or whatever. You’re happier, so your inspiration is happier, and the things you create are different. That’s something to be happy about, Goro.” He smiled gently. “That’s something I’m happy for you about.  _Especially_ because I get to be the muse of the best writer I’ve ever read.”

Goro swallowed. “Oh.”

He had always been awful at processing nice things said to him like this. He wanted to show Ren his gratitude. So he leaned closer and crashed into a hug– clumsy, but the best he could manage.

Ren’s arms snaked around him, and Goro closed his eyes. “I… suppose that… writing can be different for me now,” he said into Ren’s shoulder. “Less a lamentation and more a celebration of life.” He cringed to himself as soon as he said that, but it was too late. Whatever. He pulled away and half-smiled at Ren. “After all, I have much to celebrate.”

“And boy, are you celebrating,” said Ren, looking at him. “I mean, that shower sex scene in what I just read. Jeez.”

“Hm, yes.”

“It didn’t go so well when we tried to do the same thing, though.”

“Well, I made improvements, obviously.”

Ren paused, then. “Listen…” He opened his mouth, closed it again. Bit his lip.

Goro leaned forward, intrigued.

“Well,” Ren said, haltingly. “I wasn’t going to ask before because I thought it was kind of weird. But I was wondering…”

Goro thought for a horrible moment that Ren was going to bring up kindating.

But instead– “I– I think,” Ren stammered. “When we’re, you know, intimate. It might be interesting to… like, try a RedBlack thing?”

“...Pardon?”

“You know,” Ren said uncomfortably. “Like–”

“Oh,” Goro said. “ _Roleplay_?”

Ren gave a small nod.

Goro’s first instinct was to make a smarmy comment. But then he saw the hopeful look on Ren’s face. And then he thought about how Ren would look adopting Red’s bravado while wearing significantly less clothes than he was at the moment, demanding that Black give him more and more and– oh. Okay. Well then.

But it was… something of a concept to wrap his head around. Goro wanted to make sure he had it right. “So, do you mean… do you want to call me Black?” he asked. “During it?”

“If it’s, uh, not too much trouble,” the guy whose thirst tweets would set fire to a convent said meekly.

Well, if it was Ren… Yes, this definitely had appeal. “I think that– sounds– okay.” Goro coughed. “Let’s try that.”

Ren smiled, in a way that seemed remarkably reminiscent of the way Red had at the end of series 5, and said  _“Awesome.”_


End file.
